Becoming Whole
by lovelycollision
Summary: He loves her in various ways, during different stages of his life. It's after the war when he realizes that he's in the third stage, otherwise known as the beginning. Post-war, Ichihime.


**I** t's on a Tuesday when Ichigo arrives at Karakura High. He comes a month after the school's official first day, but he needed time to heal, time to adjust, time for himself, time for his family.

He may have won the war, but he did not come home whole.

Eventually he returns, albeit reluctantly. But he understands that in order to graduate and live out the rest of his human life, he has to finish his last year.

Walking down the long corridor packed with his fellow students, he can hear them. As expected, his surprising return sparks a barrage of questions and speculations. He can feel their eyes, but they don't ever approach him. For once, he's thankful for his intimidating nature. But who knows, maybe he isn't just broken on the inside, but outside as well.

When he finally walks into homeroom, the first person he makes eye contact with is Sado. Ichigo walks over and they nod to each other, content with a quiet greeting. He takes the seat behind the gentle giant and silently thanks him for giving him the back seat, away from questioning eyes.

Scanning the room, Ichigo breathes out a sigh of relief. The room is void of Keigo's theatrics, Chizuru's shrills and Tatsuki's worried glances. He doesn't ask Sado where they could be, he doesn't want to know. He appreciates them, values their concerns, would risk his life for them... but he just wants to have one quiet, normal morning. He thinks he's entitled to that with what he has been through.

But he is Ichigo Kurosaki; he is not meant for normalcy.

* * *

He gets five minutes of quiet before his rambunctious friends enter. He shuts his eyes, takes a deep breath, and hopes that Sado's form is enough to shield him..

But, by chance, when Ichigo opens his eyes and looks to the door, Inoue enters at the same time.

She rounds out the group, behind Tatsuki. Once she enters, Ichigo swears the room quiets down, the people unknowingly leaning in to hear her vibrant greeting. He watches as she walks over to Mizuiro to hand him a book, and then she is being called over to the windows by Tatsuki and a group of girls. She stays there awhile, talking excitedly amongst them, and Ichigo admires her resilient nature. She's grown.

He recalls a time when she was much more fragile, less self-assured.

He wasn't the only one the war had changed, he knows it's changed her.

It shaped her, molded the pieces together and formed someone whole.

"Is there something on my face, Kurosaki-kun?"

She's in front of him then, her voice disrupting his thoughts. He doesn't flinch, just looks up, eyes meeting. He studies her brown orbs and they are unwavering, calm, patient.

He remembers a time when she would be the first to look away.

Instead, he is the first to break. Looking down to his hands to find a distraction, he gives his knuckles a crack. When he looks up to her again, her eyes are soft with a little gleam in the corner. Her smile is so incredibly warm and sincere, his hands twitch, eager to grab onto something he can't quite put a name to.

Ichigo is a little scared because he knows.

He knows that at the beginning of the end, it was her and him.

When he came out of the ashes, he didn't come out alone.

Two sides of the same coin, he knows no one understands him better than Orihime Inoue.

Even still, he's not prepared when she bends down to his level. His breath picks up because he's scared and unguarded. There is no barrier between them now because she knows; she has been here before.

Inoue is so close, yet she does not touch him, not even a shadow of a touch. When she moves her mouth close to his ear, she finally whispers to him.

Three heartbeats pass before Inoue moves back and stares into Ichigo's widened stare.

Something inside him shifts then. His stomach, his heart, his head- they're slightly throbbing.

Before she goes to her seat, she announces to him with an encouraging tone, "I promise."

Ichigo chokes, because he's feeling himself start to believe.

 _You're going to feel good again, Kurosaki-kun._

* * *

Tatsuki finds him by the river during sunset.

When she sits down in the grass next to him, she is wondering if it's okay to ask him about the war and Soul Society, about Rukia and Ishida, about how he's doing. She asks none of these things, and instead asks about Orihime's behavior in the morning.

Ichigo's mouth twitches at Orihime's name. Tatsuki doesn't miss it.

"Was it something… bad?" She asks, wondering what could possibly have been said given Orihime's good nature.

"No," Ichigo grumbles. He scratches his head, and Tatsuki waits for him to continue. He's frustrated, she can tell by the furrow of his brows and the flare of his nostrils. He's trying to put the words together.

"I just think… Inoue found a piece of me," Ichigo grunts out, tearing at the grass. "She found a piece, gave it to me, and said, 'here, now you can start to pick yourself up.'"

He takes a bundle of grass in his hands, and the two of them watch as he lets the blades go. The wind picks them up, carries it, and places it gently onto the river. Ichigo's voice is distant when he talks, and Tatsuki remembers the last time his voice seemed dejected.

"Try… I guess that's what I'll do now."

This is growing up, the beginning of change, and Tatsuki wonders what was ever wrong with how he was before.

* * *

It's after two a.m, and Ichigo is still awake. His body is exhausted, but his mind is running itself into memories, dragging Ichigo along on an unwanted ride.

His mind looks back on his first meeting with Inoue.

The relentless rain, the crimson blood, her brother's limp figure held up by fragile shoulders and a small, shattered heart.

She doesn't cry when his father gently tells her of her brother's fate. Rather, she stares at the dried blood in her hands, her shoes, her clothes. She's saturated in it.

Ichigo sits next to her, watches when she finally starts to tremble. He doesn't flinch when she grabs his small hand and squeezes. He knows she's drowning, so he keeps her afloat with a crushing grip.

This is loss, and this is what it feels like to hurt.

He knows what it feels like to lose, how the weight of guilt crushes your chest and makes its way into your veins, permanently flowing through your body, melding into bone.

When his father eventually carries Inoue and places her onto the couch, Ichigo still doesn't leave her side, still clings to her limp hand. How could he possibly leave now? But when he looks at her damp orange hair, and blood stained clothes, he finds his answer.

He can feel their threads entwining, a familiarity forming.

They're bound now by a shared intimacy, an understanding of overwhelming grief and pain.

* * *

Ichigo gasps for air, jolted awake by the alarm on his phone.

He's feeling clammy, a sweat breaking on his forehead.

Even though he knows it's from the effects of his dream and impartial sleep, it's enough to convince his father he isn't well. So instead of getting ready for school, he turns over and falls asleep.

What's one more day of staying in.

* * *

Ichigo awakens once more, naturally this time.

Making his way downstairs, he glances at the oven clock to find it's after three. His sisters are off to their after school activities, and his father is out and about. He's just grabbing himself a glass of chocolate milk when the doorbell rings.

He knows exactly who's outside, her reiatsu is a gentle pressure that fills the air. He contemplates on whether to open it or not, but his legs are moving before he could even decide.

"Ah, good afternoon, Kurosaki-kun!"

Of course he lets her in.

Of course she doesn't ask why he didn't show up to school.

Of course she helps him catch up, teaches him what he missed.

Of course he walks with her and sends her home safely.

Of course his heart aches when she says goodnight and waves goodbye.

When he arrives home and settles into bed, it hits him like a lightning bolt.

It dawns on him that Inoue has been present at almost every turning point in his life. She is a constant presence in his past and present, scattered and ingrained into his most cherished memories, even the ones he would rather forget.

He isn't shocked when he realizes the simple truth. Rather, he's overcome with a sense of relief.

It all makes sense to him now… that feeling of when he's looking at the river, or the sunset, or just outside his bedroom window and he thinks of her.

 _You're more than a dream._

* * *

Sunday afternoon finally comes around, and Ichigo is heading towards Inoue's house. He had promised himself that when Sunday rolled around, he would set out to find Inoue and…

And what, indeed?

He hasn't figured out what to tell her yet exactly, but he knows all the same that if he puts off talking to her, the more things will change- and maybe not for the better.

Reaching the doorstep to her home, he senses she isn't inside. He wonders if she's in town for work and is about to head towards the bakery when he picks up on her reiatsu.

Making his way towards her increases his heart rate and his poor heart starts to ache. He turns a corner, and god, he should be surprised but he isn't; he's just impressed at this point.

It's the stairway.

" _Even if I scold you like this, you already have your mind set."_

His head is starting to spin, so he grips the railing before he falters.

It's a different sunset, and she's a different person, but they are both still bright and so, so pretty.

"This kinda feels like deja-vu, doesn't it?"

She's smiling up at him so he sits down next to her.

"Yeah… in more ways than one."

They're sitting on the same step at the same time as they were almost three years ago.

"Who are you off to save now?"

He doesn't know where to start, he can't figure out what to say to her because he doesn't even know where to begin.

" _The Kurosaki-kun I know would answer like this!"_

So he starts at the beginning.

"You."

She laughs aloud and it's almost like a loud bark, but to him it's a burst of joy that calms his heart.

"You always save me."

"I have to."

She's shaking her head, bashfully looking away, but he can see that smile. He'd better tell her now because he's got her smiling, and even if the outcome is poor, he at least starts out strong.

"Look, I'm not sure how to put this, but I know I have to start somewhere, so this is my way," he's tongue tied as he continues,. "I want you to know me, and I want you to find me interesting and strong."

"I want you to feel the same heartache I feel when I look at the river, or the sunset, or out of my bedroom window when I'm thinking of you."

He can't look at her because he's afraid she'd stop him right then and there, but she doesn't, so he takes a chance and looks. She's on the verge of tears, mouth trembling. "What are you telling me, Kurosaki-kun?"

"I'm-I'm trying to tell you that I don't think I'll ever know how to wake up without feeling grumpy, and it's not pretty or easy to deal with," he falters a bit when he sees the first tear fall, but then he chokes out a suppressed chuckle when the tears start to pour like a waterfall. "Sometimes I'm so weak, but I'm mostly so damn strong-"

"Kurosaki-kun IS very strong!" Inoue interrupts, sniffling loudly. Ichigo's eyes soften, his fingers wanting to touch her hand.

"Nothing good ever comes easy, and truthfully, I don't ever think the dull ache in my bones will ever go away," Ichigo drifts, voice wavering. She reaches out for his hand then, and squeezes it, just like she did the first day they met.

Together, they're floating.

"I-I-I haven't fallen in love with you or anything like that, but I want to, and I'm so excited for it to happen."

Inoue is shaking like a leaf until all she can do is bring their entwined hands to her forehead and cry. Ichigo hopes this is a good sign; he doesn't think she'd let him be this close to her if he had hurt her.

But then she lifts her head and in that moment, Ichigo is so sure.

"When you fall in love with me, can you please forget the snot that rolled down my nose and over my mouth?"

Like a puzzle piece finally turning the right way, Ichigo becomes whole.

And of course he falls in love with her, in every single way.

* * *

 **a/n:** i have no idea what in the world this is.  
just wanted to write something kinda sad, but also to get some creative juices going.  
hope you guys like it!

xo,

lovelycollision


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